You really coming over, don't trick.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
