Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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