I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
