It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
