It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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