im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
