He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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