Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
