that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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