I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
