I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
