I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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