Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
