im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
