Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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