I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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