My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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