Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
