I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
