if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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