Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
