dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
