Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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