I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
