we have officially mastered the walk of shame
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
