but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize