I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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