how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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