Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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