I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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