So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
