I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
