My brain says no but my pants say off.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
