Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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