There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
