I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
