Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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