Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
