goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
