She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
