I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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