I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
