i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
