WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
