Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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