If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
