i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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