He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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