If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
