are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
