Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
