I can't breathe out the right side of my face
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
