it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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