Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
