I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
