4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize