I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
