Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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