so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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