And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
