Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
