my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
