You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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