Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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