Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
