I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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