im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
