so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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