OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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