Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
