Non-Jews are for practice
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
