Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
