The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
