i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
