If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
