I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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