Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
