these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
