I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
