lets start a swedish sibling band together
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
