All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
