i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
