Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
