I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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