Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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