He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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