i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
