I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
