my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
