eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
