Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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