You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize