Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
