I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize