Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
