I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's just like the Real World with babies
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
