I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
