There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
