How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
